Stereotypes

I found the part about how we young people treat old people sometimes pretty sad. I don't know where we get the notion that we know more than they do. But we do it all the time. So often, we assume that old people would not understand what is going on today. We assume they would not be able to work a cell phone, hear us, etc. I know I do it sometimes when I am waiting tables at work. If I am taking an order, I will lean in to an older person when taking their order, I guess so they can hear me better and I can hear them better. In the business though, it is hard not to stereotype because so many people fill their stereotypes, that after we see the same thing 4 times in a row, we assume it will happen again the 5th time. Like when I get a tables of high-school kids, I assume they do not know how to tip. This is partly why I tip really well when I go to a restaurant, because I look young, and I know the server will assume they will get a bad tip from me. But they wont!

Everybody Loves Raymond

The chart of turning points in chapter 15 was pretty interesting. I found it weird how certain events would have such strong turning points with the relationship with the mother, but not so much the father, like Rebellious Teenager, and with some turning points, it would affect the relationship with the father, but not so much with the mother, like Jealousy. 

The physical distance was the most influential turning point. I guess that makes sense because a relationship is a lot easier to maintain when people are close in proximity. I mean, when an adult child moves away and starts a family somewhere, the new family will not have a close bond to the old family like one would that live in the same city. 

The TV show "Everybody Loves Raymond" is about a family that lives right across the street from the parents of one of the adults. The humor in the show comes from the lack of privacy, the constant fighting and the fact that they are just too close in proximity. So, I would say it is great to live in the same area for the grandkids and the grandparents, but not on the same street!

5 Conflict Styles

I find it so funny that in my first year at SJSU, I keep running into the 5 conflict styles in so many classes! And not all in the same department either. I first remember is from Organizational Comm, then from Business Management, then I think we went over it in Comm 101, and now here in Interpersonal Comm. 

Anyway, I find it interesting because looking at the 5 styles, one would think that some are good and some are bad. But all my classes that covered this topic taught that all are good and bad in different contexts. For example, Collaboration seems perfect. It is a win-win, but it is not always good because it takes a long time to come up with a win-win solution, and it is not always possible. And then Avoidance seems like it would be bad, but when one is dealing with a figure of authority for example, avoidance can be good because going into conflict can be a bad idea. It can get you fired or arrested, depending on what figure of authority we are dealing with. All 5 have ups and downs. The way to use ups all the time is to learn when to use what one.

Clean your room, OR ELSE..

I always find the culture part the most interesting. 

This chapter talked about seeking compliance and in the culture part it talked about how in our individualistic cultures we focus on rewards and punishments. But in collectivistic cultures they focus on altruism and duty. In our culture a mother would say "Clean your room and when you're done we will go out for ice cream" or "Clean your room today or else you cannot watch TV for a week." In Japan, for example, a collectivistic culture, it would sound more like "Clean your room because it is your duty in the family" or "Clean your room as to not embarrass your family when guests come over." That would not work very often with American kids! American kids would say, "I don't care" about altruistic or duty reasons. 

In fact, I am Russian and I don't know if Russia is individualistic or collectivistic, but when it comes to cleaning our house, my mom has always pushed me to do it for collectivistic reasons, and it does not work so well for me. My room is always a mess. I think another reason this works in collectivistic cultures so well is because there is such a great level of respect, where as in the US, we value everyone equally. So many children do not think of their parents as high of an authority, they see them as closer to equals than collectivistic children do. 

Cheating

The book talks about cheating and how when someone finds out about their partner's cheating, it depends on how they found out on how bad their reaction will be. The book said that they will feel better about the situation if they confronted the cheater and the cheater confessed, or if the cheater confessed on their own, versus finding out from a 3rd party or catching red-handed. The book gives the reason for it that they save face more and are less embarrassed in the private confession. I agree with that but I think that there is a stronger reason, which is honestly. I think honesty is valued very highly in our society and that the fact that the cheater confessed, makes it easier to bear because at least they were honest about it. When hearing from someone else, the one who was cheated on just thinks about how they were lied to and thats what hurts for most people.

Oh, boys

I found the part in chapter 9 on platonic relationships interesting. I am a girl with almost no girl-friends. Most of my friends are guys. They are easier to get along with for me. But as the book talks about, there are certain barriers. I do not want either side to get hurt, mostly the other side, because for the most part, I know who I can develop feelings for and who I will not, but I don't know what my actions might do to their feelings. So there are barriers I cannot cross with a lot of my guy friends. With some I can cuddle in a plutonic way, but with others thats too much. I can flirt, but only to a certain limit, not anything that will give anyone a too strong impression.

Straight guys always ask why girls can so easily be sexual with gay guys, but not with them, this is exactly why! I can easily kiss my friend Brian and I know that neither side will ever get hurt because we both KNOW where we stand. We both know that neither side will develop feelings from that kiss. And most importantly, it will not ruin the friendship. 

Centripetal versus Centrifugal

Chapter 10 started off with the concepts of Centripetal versus Centrifugal forces of keeping relationships together. I understand both views but I have to say I can better agree with the Centrifugal force. I think a relationship is bound to break without effort to keep it together. Many relationships seem easy at first. They seem smooth and self-running but we are still putting effort in. We put effort in when we cancel, lets say, "Smallville night" for a date. This might seem like no effort because we are excited to see this person, but I say that even when we are glad to put in effort, it is still effort.

And then, later into the relationship, it is easier to see where effort comes in, because we sometimes have to push ourselves to do it. Or if not push ourselves, (because that sounds like we do not want to do it), we find compromise to put in effort. ("I will miss this week's girls night, but next week that night is mine".)  

Anyway, my point is that I think any relationship is not bound to stick together on its own. It needs work from both parties, and equity theory talks about that with respect to each person needing to put equal amount of effort for both people to be happy with the equality.